Well, I try to.
The latest thing I have begun doing in a desperate attempt at respite is playing video games. I know, dorky, right? But it’s mindlessly fun. I was initially playing an older game off and on but found the crowd there increasingly strange, so I went back to World of Warcraft.
This is a game I have not played since I was pregnant with J. I am pleasantly surprised to report that it has grown infinitely more fun in the years I was away!
You see, when I would play it what feels like forever ago, I would play it with someone I thought was a friend, someone I thought I trusted and could have fun with. A lot happened during game play that should have opened my eyes to the truth of this person. They would grow hostile, abusive and extremely volatile… over a game.
It was like dealing with my father. It was bizarre. I should have paid attention but I did not, and I eventually paid the price for dealing with this person. They are the one person banned from this blog, and truly black in their heart and soul. Pretty sad.
All of those experiences made me think I was daft in going back but I did, cautiously, and I am honestly glad I retried this silly thing. An acquaintance set me up with a guild so I wouldn’t be bombarded with weirdos any more than necessary and I can play whenever I want and plug along in my own clumsy, ineffective way. No one mocks me, no one harasses me, above all no one has a hissy fit at me over a video game… Best of all, if J is being particularly feisty I can sit him down beside me and we can chase animals together. He’s always happy to do “running” as he calls it.
Has my geek-ness gone off the charts? It feels weird to have one little thing that is just… kind of mindless, but it is sorely, sorely needed. Sleep has been a terrible battle of late more on my side than J’s, the ever-changing weather has led to more meltdowns that need to be contended with, it’s IEP season, and there’s just a lot going on that causes stress, which causes anxiety, which causes the intense desire to hide in a hole until it blows over.
It is tempting, that hole, but I remain above ground for now. Now to find myself more energy and get more projects done. The more projects I get done, the more time I can have to flail around playing a video game, right?
It’s all about the carrot at the end of the stick some days.