Before I get on with writing here, please check out this post: https://www.jbearandme.com/pay-it-forward-saving-gabriel/ — Every little bit given towards Gabriel’s care helps and I can think of no better way to celebrate J’s upcoming birthday than helping!

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So we’ve been back from vacation for almost a week and let me tell you, it’s very hard to consider going on vacations ever again. I know it’s to be expected as J was out of his beloved routine for a just past a week but it’s hard to explain to others who have not been there the extent of what it impacts.

J’s eating has been disrupted.

J’s drinking was disrupted, though for slightly unrelated reasons now resolved. Pro tip: Warn consumers when you’re about to change up things like your sippy cup design. I’m looking at you here, Playtex.

He needs his stims more, which causes some interesting problems. You see, his current favorite stim is the Zakim Bunker Hill Bridge in Boston. It’s a nice bridge, we only live about 10 minutes away from it (3 hours to 10 days in traffic) but no one can run off to drive up and down a highway every single day. Now, trust me, I sneak in more ways to drive across that bridge than anyone else in this state but he has to frequently just make do with pictures of the bridge on his iPad.

This doesn’t always suffice.

This is when it starts to hurt, because he clearly needs something and there’s no easy way for me to give it to him and that’s all I want to do. This comforts him when he’s out of sorts and of course I want to make him better but short of moving the bridge into my non-existent yard it’s not completely possible. He has found alternative stims, ranging from his chip clips to walking beside his easel that mimics the points of the bridge in some ways. I imagine it’s like being given generic soda when you want name brand though – it tastes okay but you still want the exact taste of Coke or Pepsi.

So that’s where we are. And it’ll get better. I am praying that when his dog joins us in a few short months it will get easier to work through these moments. There’s something to be said for the balm companionship and support can offer, especially that offered from an unconditional friend.